


I'll close my eyes and hide the truth inside

by freddi11



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin
Genre: Gen, Robert's Rebellion, baratheon brothers feelings alert, i like to write from this perspective, potential 'need to hug stannis' alert, sorry if this makes you sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 23:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17476793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freddi11/pseuds/freddi11
Summary: Robert Baratheon has just been crowned King of the Seven Kingdoms. Very reluctantly, his younger brother Stannis attends the new king's first council meeting. And keeps his thoughts about the events to himself.





	I'll close my eyes and hide the truth inside

„All rise for His Grace, King Robert of House Baratheon, the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm!“ –

“Shut up, Renly.”  “But he looks so funny.”

Seven hells, leave it to my little brother to find fun in a moment like this.

 Barely a month has passed since Robert triumphed in King’s Landing. I recall the moment I got his raven as if it had happened yesterday. _The Tyrant is dead. I have avenged Lyanna. Expect your arrival in the capital within a forthnight. Still not sure what to do with the Lannisters._

Part of me was relieved knowing he was safe in the city and the Mad King had finally been dealt with. I know some dismiss it as rumours, but I for one firmly believe that it was Jaime Lannister who killed King Aerys. Lord Tywin’s golden boy always had a certain recklessness about him.

But apart from my relief (and I still wonder where it came from, Robert has never been much of a brother), there was something else I felt. Frustration. I had not fully recovered from the Siege of Storm’s End, and here my older brother was summoning me to court. As if I was one of his servants he could order around as he pleased. Father would never have allowed him to treat me like this. He was always trying to settle matters between us.

Well, this is Robert’s great hour. So what choice do I have to be here at this Council meeting, listening to the endless decrees being read out, knighthoods being proclaimed and all of the other issues that need to be dealt with after a rebellion? I am brother to the King and his heir. It is my duty.

The Throne Room is packed with people. Knights from all over the Realm.

 Even Prince Oberyn of Dorne has decided to attend. Doubtlessly he is still grieving for his sister and her children. He will not be satisfied easily. The Dornish are notorious for their ability to hold a grudge – a bit like us. But the Realm needs Dorne. If the Targaryen children, once they are grown, decide to re-invade Westeros, Dorne is likely to be the first region they turn to. We had better try to appease the Martells as much as possible or it will fly into our faces. And as they say, the Dornishman’s wrath is nothing one wants to stand in the way of.

I wonder how Prince – no, he’s just  Viserys-  and his little sister are doing. Trust Ser Willem Darry to escape through our lines with the two children on his ship. I have warned Robert that we should deal with the Darrys before we retake Dragonstone. But Robert in his grief over Lyanna did not listen to me. He wanted his revenge. Even after Rhaegar had died, Robert was full of fury.

Lyanna Stark must have held a very special place in my brother’s life. Of course she would have, being Ned’s sister. I still remember how Robert collapsed when he heard she had run away with Prince Rhaegar. It was probably the only time after my parents’death I saw my brother cry.

Will I ever find someone as special for me as Lyanna was for Robert? Will I ever understand what this feels like, to care so deeply for another person?

What am I thinking. Love causes more pain than everything else. I only have to think of Robert and Lyanna to know that this is the truth. And besides, who would be interested in me anyway. Yes, I am the heir to the throne – unless His Grace comes up with another idea – but who am I. Only Stannis. Sad, grumpy Stannis, I heard Renly call me when he thought I could not hear him.

He has a point, of course. But he barely recalls the day of the catastrophe in Shipwrecker Bay. I still wake up at night to the crashing sound the ship made as it sank, to the sails tearing in half and the shouts of the men aboard who frantically tried to escape. Does Robert ever think about our parents?

Perhaps it would be better if I had somebody to talk to. But I have learned to be on my guard from a very young age. I find it hard to trust others. Least of all my own brothers.

Oh, Lord and Lady Arryn have also joined the Council. This can only mean one thing.

 If truth be told, I have always known it would end up like this. Jon Arryn is a honourable man, I’ll grant him as much. And without doubt, it will be good for Robert to have him at his side, trying to control as much damage as he can. My brother’s temper can really be a challenge at times.

 

“Lord Jon Arryn! Do you swear to serve me loyally all your days, to give me honest counsel and swift obedience, to defend my rights and my realm against all foes in battle great and small, to protect my people and punish my enemies?” “I do, your Grace.” “Then rise, Lord Arryn, and rise as Warden of the East and Hand of the King.”

 

Seven hells, why am I shaking? Perhaps I did wish for Robert to name me his Hand after all. Too late now. And ridiculous anyway. Robert does not love me more than he has to.

So why am I shaking like this?

Stop it, Stannis. You had better concentrate on what’s happening in front of you.

 

“Come forth, Ser Jaime of House Lannister!”

Now this is going to be interesting. I hardly think anyone here grieves for the Mad King. Yet Ser Jaime- he was Aerys’ sworn sword, had given his oath to protect the king, only to break it in the middle of the rebellion. Lannisters are Lannisters, after all. What will Robert do to him? I doubt he would go so far as to execute Lord Tywin’s golden boy.

What is Ned Stark saying to my brother? And why is Lord Tywin looking so pleased with himself? No doubt they have negotiated about Jaime’s fate before this Council meeting. Lannisters being Lannisters, there would have to be a certain amount of money involved. And my brother’s dear best friend being the righteous fool that he is, he would also urge him to.. let Ser Jaime take the black, perhaps? Yes, that sounds like Ned Stark.

Yet I do not dislike Lord Stark. He may have Robert’s complete trust and he may be regarded as one of the great heroes of the rebellion (that is true, to a certain extent). But Eddard of House Stark is a man of honour, someone men find it easy to be loyal to. I will never forget the day he stepped into the Great Hall, telling us the siege had been lifted. We had just broken our fast – onions of course, there wasn’t anything else – when he stood on the doorstep. How he embraced me, obviously relieved to see me.

We talked for a while afterwards, walking on the seashore. I could not help but admire the warmth and openness in Stark’s words, something that seems to come naturally to those born in the North. And yet.. I found it hard to let down my guard around him. Part of me thinks that is because I still resent him for having Robert’s affection more than I will ever have.

“Ser Jaime Lannister. You broke the oath you had sworn to King Aerys. As a man of the Kingsguard, you know that the penalty for breaking your oath is execution. But in the light of all that had happened under this tyrant, I hereby pardon you and command you to remain in my service.”

WHAT? Has Robert lost his mind?

Prince Oberyn is looking positively furious. We must come up with a new solution for the Dornish, or this peace is not going to last long… And Ser Barristan Selmy doesn’t seem too pleased either, as does Ned Stark in fact.

Knowing the Lannisters, they have been working on a deal with Robert. I wonder what it might contain. It must be good for Lord Tywin to smirk so openly in the presence of his king. A Lannister in the Kingsguard. This does not feel right. No, this might be the start of a new set of problems.

“As a token of gratitude, I name Lord Tywin Lannister my Warden of the West. And I hereby announce that a fortnight from today, I will wed the Lady Cersei of House Lannister in the great Sept of Baelor.”

I knew it. But does he know what he’s agreed to? There are rumours about Lady Cersei.. smallfolk’s chattering, but with some truth of course. They say she is a cold and headstrong woman. Definitely not the kind my brother likes. Lyanna was proof of that. Is it even right for him, to get married so soon after Lyanna’s death?

But what would I know about these matters?

Well, it seems the Council meeting is almost over. That leaves only one matter to be dealt with.

And this time, I am sure, Robert will not overlook me. I held the castle for him. Held him through the onslaught of Lord Tyrell and Lord Tarly, held it while he marched south and prevented one of the greatest hosts to join the rebellion on the Targaryen’s side. I nearly starved, had it not been for the arrival of Davos and his little ship.

At first, I hardly believed what I was seeing. The Narrow Sea was unusually calm and I thought my mind had gone crazy with hunger. We had eaten the last rat the day before. And there, right in the middle of my wondering how many days it would be before I died, this little black ship appeared, landing on the shore below Storm’s End.

I wonder what I should do with the man. He saved our lives with his salted fish and his onions, of course. And I won’t deny I am beginning to grow fond of him. But the fact remains that he is a smuggler. It is my duty to punish him. So why do I find it this difficult?

The Northmen have a saying “The man who passes the sentence should also be the man who wields the sword.” A simple sentence, yet it contains a lot of truth.

 

“And lastly, I name my own brother, Stannis of House Baratheon..”

Calm down, Stannis.

“Prince of Dragonstone.”

What?

No.

What?

He is giving me Dragonstone? That desolate volcanic island in the middle of the sea? That could only mean he intends to pass Storm’s End on to Renly. Renly, our eight year old brother, who never fought a day in his life, who I kept sheltered on Storm’s End throughout the war. And he passes our ancestral castle on to him?

Seven hells, it feels like everybody in the Throne Room is watching me. Some look curious, others indifferent like the Lannisters. But what is that look on Ned Stark’s face? Is it pity? Regret that he could not stop Robert from being such an idiot?

I keep my eyes fixed on the floor, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I am somewhere in the middle of wanting to explode .. and of wanting to cry. I held the castle for a year and was nearly killed by it. I held it so Robert could march south without fearing the arrival of the Tyrells.

And what good did it do to me? Nothing. Nothing at all.

I am the one in the shadow. Always have been, always will be.

Do I still have to stay here? Robert has told me what he expects of me, I might as well leave. I need to be alone. I doubt I can take another moment with all of them in the same room.

Before anybody can hold me back, I turn and walk out of the Throne Room. It is only now I realise my left hand is bleeding, bearing marks from my fingernails. I had obviously dug them in my palm without noticing. Well, Maester Cressen will see to it.

And what do I do now, I wonder, my eyes burning as if I had breathed in smoke.

I serve the King. As always.

Perhaps I could go and find Davos later.

I need something to take my mind off all that has happened.

Nobody will ever hear my side of the story. Nobody would care.

I’ll just hide my feelings better from now on.


End file.
